Hmm. Well that’s interesting

I have been silent here for a month (more than).

Hmm. Well that’s interesting.

I keep wanting to come back typing with a bang. With lots of deep and philosophical reasons for why I haven’t been writing.

Because it’s not that I haven’t been writing here only, it’s that I’ve barely been writing at all. I went through a frenzy a couple months back, a re-flourish of poetry and blogging, and I started a new book.

And now that fire has fizzled slightly.

Hmm. Well that’s interesting.

Well. Instead of passing all this judgment on myself (simply for riding the highs and lows of life, really), instead of wagging an internal finger at myself for not keeping up with this blog, with the flourish of poetry I used to engage in, with the pressure of posting something deep and wise and inspiring–instead of doing any of that, I’m learning to just sit back. Breathe. Accept what comes.

You guys. It’s not that I’ve been absent here because I’m stressed, depressed, stagnant.

I’ve been absent here because my life is fucking awesome right now and I’ve been busier living it rather than writing it.

Which, you know what, is no reason to feel shame. It’s a reason to celebrate.

And at one point, I would’ve come to this conclusion and said: “Then why do I feel shame? Why am I mad at myself for not posting more? I should be celebrating, not feeling mad! I should be proud of myself, not disappointed in myself!” And I would’ve worked myself into this tizzy of wondering why that is, what it means psychologically according to my childhood, what it means for my future relationships and marriage and kids.

This is so silly. This is not present living.

I care to analyze these tiny phenomenons way less than I used to. I’m learning to just feel that feeling, then release it. I imagine myself floating in a pool, with the waves of feelings gently coming and going, coming and going. And I don’t have to panic, judge, be reactive. I am calm, free, and proactive.

And as a result–like I said–life is fucking awesome.

So, no judgment here. But I have missed you guys.

Hmm. Well that’s interesting.

xoxo

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